Renewal

I looked out a west window and spied the moon's beautiful face shining into dissipating darkness. I looked to the east and saw the sun's face, too. It rose into the morning with a pink-rose blush that transformed into orange, gold, and then pure white light. Ahhh, magic.

It's mostly clear today ... and cold. The snow stands in a narrow six inch mound all along the railing on the deck. Thick folds of snow rest on piney branches and in the crooks of naked trees. I snuggle into the warmth of my heated house as I look out onto the stark, cold, pure white scenery just beyond the glass.

Today, as always, I enjoyed practicing TCC while the sun cleared the horizon. In the early dawn I felt hopeful, encouraged; my soul responded eagerly to the sunlight's suggestion, "New beginnings...."

When I read today's entry in 365 Tao, it perfectly portrayed my feelings about the start of this day: Renewal (p. 23):

... no matter how much those who follow Tao may enjoy the city, they understand the need for retreat into nature.

     In the countryside, they find the nurturing quality of freedom. They can see new possibilities and can wander without societal impositions....

     We need time to lie fallow. If you cannot leave the city, just find a little quiet time each day to withdraw into yourself. If you are able to walk in fields or in the hills, so much the better. But none of us can maintain the fertility of our beings without renewal.

This is one of the many gifts I experience here under the forest canopy. And tonight I head to Stagenorth for our first rehearsal of Love Stories of the Bay. I'll read my piece, "For the Love of ... Silence." And, yes, it's all about renewal.

Continuation

All is frozen in place: yesterday's slippy, slidey tire tracks up the driveway, footprints in the snow, and the compost pile, to name a few. Last night's slight dusting of snow covered the ice and we're back to dull grey skies.

During my late afternoon T'ai Chi Chih practice I alternated beginning movements with ending movements. I actually started my practice with Passing Clouds, then returned to Rocking Motion, back to the Healing Sounds, then Bird Flaps its Wings, then Lights at the Top of the Head/Temples, Around the Platter, etc.

Eventually I finished my practice in the middle which seemed appropriate for New Year's Eve. Today we're not quite through 2010 and not yet beginning 2011.

In honor of this last day of 2010 I reread verse 365 from 365 Tao which is one of my favorite entries to share with students at the end of an initial eight-week class. Deng Ming-Dao writes:

Upon completion comes fulfillment,
With fulfillment comes liberation.
Liberation allows you to go on.
Even death is not a true ending.
Life is infinite continuation.

Deng Ming-Dao further describes his interpretation of "Continuation" with these words that seem infinitely fitting for TCC students who have just completed their first round of TCC classes and all the rest of us as we end one year and begin the next:

Always finish what you start. That alone is discipline and wisdom enough. If you can follow that rule, then you will be superior to most people.
     When you come to the end of a cycle, a new one will begin. You might say that completion actually begins somewhere in the middle of a cycle and that new beginnings are engendered out of previous actions.
     Completing a cycle means fulfillment. It means that you have achieved self-knowledge, discipline, and a new way of understanding youself and the world around you..... persevere with joy.

Farewell blessings to 2010 and best wishes to us all for a happy, healthy, and life-affirming 2011!

Accept and ... Relax? Persevere? Be?

Snow drifts from heaven to earth as chickadees, nuthatches, woodpeckers and grey squirrels line the bird feeder and scurry across the ground scrounging for seeds. A gust of wind twirls a fine layer of snow off the deck into a cloud of white smoke.

Frances and I are cooking and cleaning for tonight's birthday dinner though we're unsure whether guests will venture through the snow to attend the celebration. If not, we've decided that we'll share the food with elders who live nearby.

I watched the snow quietly spill over the white landscape during my mid-morning T'ai Chi Chih practice. All was still except for those busy birds and three huge squirrels who chased each other up and down, over and around as they leapt from branch to branch, tree to tree.

During my TCC practices I concentrate on softening my muscles and relaxing my mind while I move. Once I release tension in one area of my body, though, I'm aware of tightness in another area. I guess I can say with confidence that this is an ongoing process with no clear end in sight. Today's reading in 365 Tao spoke about this need to be vigilant (p. 345, "Worthwhile"):

     ... sometimes it takes a long time to hear about Tao. There are some days when Tao does not manifest itself right away. It seems that the more you want to love, the more hatred tempts you. The more you want to be pure, the more negativity pursues you. The more you want serenity, the more chaos assaults you. The ordinary have common problems. Those who pursue Tao struggle against titanic forces. What can you do but accept it and persevere? If you fret about it, then you have not only spent the day away from Tao, but you have ruined that day with emotional turmoil too.

It's a blessing to feel the weight of snow around me. The moving hands on the clock lose their power to dictate a schedule, impassable driveways and streets force cars into irrelevancy, and snow's thick insulation silences the noisy speed of the outside world. What a wonderful invitation to release duty and responsibility and simply be.

Ripening

I began my TCC practice today with a single purpose in mind: to gain more clarity about a complicated--to me!--conundrum in my life. My practice succeeded: It helped me to relax the repetitive, circular thinking that held me hostage.

Of course, I still don't know the answer to my query but, amazingly enough, that answer doesn't matter as much anymore. I feel better about myself ... more relaxed, centered, and less ill at ease. And so it goes....

Today's reading in 365 Tao ("Garden") was helpful too (p. 245):

     Those who follow Tao say that all reality is like a series of nesting circles: microcosms within macrocosms. What is close at hand is a microcosm of what is far away. Why search all over for Tao? It is all contained in the seeds of the gourd growing in your garden.

My own garden yields ripe tomatoes every day as a result of the recent spate of intense heat and sunshine. Today was an exception as rain fell, then stopped, then fell again. The change in weather was a welcome respite from too many days of high heat and humidity. Now, if I could only find my answer in the seeds from one of those tomatoes....

Noisy Brain Syndrome

I still talk in my sleep.
I still dream.
How can there be perfect stillness
When my brain's so noisy?

     We carry on a constant dialogue within ourselves. This is the origin of our problems.
     The very word dialogue means talking between two sides. We could not have an inner dialogue unless there was a split in our minds. We all have two sides; as long as they are not united, we cannot attain the wholenss that spirituality requires.
     Even with years of self-cultivation, it is not easy to tame the wild mind. One might appear to have attained perfect control in all waking situations, only to find endless turbulence during meditation and sleep.
     ... rather than shutting away the unpleasant or unruly aspects of ourselves, we must take them all out and examine them....
     From: 365 Tao by Deng Ming-Dao, "Dialogue," p. 243

Today's reading from 365 Tao is a reminder that there is always work to do in managing Monkey Mind. I often revisit this fact during my daily T'ai Chi Chih practices. I feel relaxed, calm, at peace ... and then I notice that my mind is leaping from one topic to another as it mimics a monkey swinging from tree to tree.

Today--case in point--I dedicated my TCC practice to my mother since August 31 is her birthday (she died over five years ago). I wanted to honor Mother for the role she played in my life, the ways in which she shaped me, the habits and behaviors of hers that live on in me, and more. Soon enough my mind was off on another adventure stalking the wild pendulum (per Itzhak Bentov's book of the same title).

Bentov was a scientist, mystic, author, and accomplished meditator who believed that vibration permeates all things and that our brains receive and amplify thoughts rather than being the source of thought. So, as many regular TCC practitioners have discovered, our daily TCC practice offers us the chance to experience the vibration that permeates all things (i.e., Chi).

If the split in our minds is a mirror of the yin/yang energy that continually seeks to find balance and harmony, does it also follow that the thoughts we receive (and amplify) offer us the opportunity to change and grow and accomplish a greater good?

My Crimson Child

It's been a hot, busy day ... a busy, HOT day. Yes, the heat is challenging but the expectation for a long, dark, cold winter is equally so.

I chose to practice TCC today within my air-conditioned house rather than venture into the heat and humidity. In the semi-heat--with a fan blowing directly upon me--I mixed TCC with Seijaku and focused on how the softness and hardness of each movement felt within my body. It felt wonderfully delicious to note the differences between yin and yang, receptive and active, soft and hard.

Today's reading of 365 Tao: "Heart"

Imagine your heart as an opening lotus.
From its center comes a crimson child,
Pure, virginal, and innocent....

Bring this child out of your body and imagine him or her floating above your head....

Sometimes, you may even doubt that you have a pure and innocent self to bring out anymore. But each of us does. Each of us must find that crimson child within us and bring him or her out. For this child represents the time when our energies were whole and our hearts were untroubled by the duplicity of the world and ourselves.

I'm aware of my child self today because tomorrow would have been my mother's 84th birthday (she died five years ago). As I think of her and reflect on our life together I imagine both of us as pure, innocent children. We battled, yes, but as I grow older and see the ways in which her genes, habits, and personality influenced and live on in me I realize that, if I can feel young and innocent in middle-age, then my mother's crimson child was also there within her until the day she died.

My child came out to play today as she does on many occasions when I'm engaged in my TCC practice. And, while I'm experiencing joy thru movement, my heart is untroubled by the duplicity of the world and myself....

Decline ... and Incline

I played tonight's TCC practice on our gravel drive past the curve as it heads downhill. Why? Because when I searched for the geese (they'd followed Frances, Namaste, and Chiripa partway down the drive when they walked to the mailbox), I found them grazing on grass along the ditch.

Since I'm not yet willing to let those goosies too far out of sight I planted myself on a downward angle in the middle of the driveway and hoped for the best. It is interesting--and helpful as I've mentioned previously--to vary practice locations and experiences. I typically choose a flat, level spot for my practice. It's good, though, to impose challenges that require me to maintain my form and full weight shift when I'm dealing with uneven terrain.

I began my practice facing downhill and found that the downward slope aided in my full weight shift forward. About halfway through practice the geese ambled by me and I turned to face uphill in order to monitor their activities.

Both geese settled on the gravel and rested. Ander closed his eyes to sleep; Lucy watched my practice then resumed her grazing. My uphill portion of the practice was more challenging (I felt like my leg muscles worked harder) but observing my resting geese helped me to maintain my own relaxation and restfulness. Afterwards I walked them up the drive closer to the house for their last meal of the night before heading to their barn.

Today's reading of 365 Tao (#215) was interesting and appropriate: "Decline." Deng Ming-Dao writes about the decline of summer as it heads into autumn but his final lines reminded me of my TCC practice on the decline, then incline of the driveway.

... there should be no emotional values attached to it. It simply happens, and that is all.

Acceptance = Peace

Well now, what do I write when I feel exhausted, grumpy, and impatient? Nothing?

I allowed myself to get overly stressed by several deadlines earlier this week. Today I'm left to deal with the consequences. Despite the sunny warm weather--summer teasing and tempting us again--I'm in a funk. When I'm this tired, it's best for me to simply take the day off, lounge, relax, read, nap. Usually by late in the day my energy returns and I'm functional again.

Today, though, I haven't let myself recover. I decided that I had so much to do that I just couldn't relax. Consequently, by late afternoon I'm still exhausted, still moody, still wandering through the day clothed in the funk.

Surely T'ai Chi Chih practice will help ... and it does, a bit. It allows me to breathe in clean air, listen to bird song, view the deep-blue beauty of Lake Superior from afar, settle my mind, and release some unhelpful thoughts. Next: a walk. And later? Perhaps another round of T'ai Chi Chih practice. On a day like today it's better for me to be proactive about my mental attitude rather than sink deeper into the muck.

Interestingly, today's reading in 365 Tao is "Acceptance" (p. 113). It reads, in part:

     Acceptance is a dynamic act. It should not signal inertness, stagnation, or inactivity. One should simply ascertain what the situation requires and then implement what one thinks is best. As long as one's deeds are in accord with the time and one leaves no sloppy traces, then the action is correct.

 Although I've been struggling with my level of productivity today it's time for me to accept what I managed to do today as well as what I didn't. Then, yes then, I can be at peace....

Daily Devotions

It's a full sun coolish day (mid-30s). I perform my outdoor TCC practice on the deck to the sounds of silence except for an occasional shuffle of leaves underfoot as one of several squirrels dash through the trees then climb up and perform silent aerial ballets. Two woodpeckers embrace opposite sides of the same tree trunk and cackle loudly to each other. But mostly the atmosphere is filled with warm sun, quiet breeze, and ... serenity.

I feel exhausted after yesterday's election day battle. I write battle purposefully. Our local government is every bit as polarized and adversarial as the plethora of schemes and shenanigans we see played out on the national political stage. So what can I do to make a difference? For one, return to my daily practice.

Today's reading of 365 Tao fits my mood and desires: Encouragement

One thousand miles from home, I open the same
     prayer book.
Some nights it was only obligation; tonight,
     it is comfort.....

It's best to be patient and persevering. Devotion may sometimes seem to be pure drudgery....

     Within ourselves, our daily devotions are the way to encourage ourselves to persevere. With others, encouragement is the way to be compassionate. (p. 97)

Daily Practice

Easter day began after rain fell on and off throughout the night, then clouds, sunshine, clouds returning, and finally the sun resurrecting itself into white-blue skies. Even though temperatures rose to 50 while the sun shone I couldn't pry myself from the security of the darkened interior of the house. Just like a jelly bean nestled in the fake-grass embrace of an Easter basket I relished the quiet coolness of my home.

Today's designation as a holiday offered me the opportunity to break ranks from my normal day-to-dayness and rest quietly. Of course, I practiced my t'ai chi chih. The practice came late in the day after I'd recouped from the morning's high blood sugars and taken several naps. I followed the lead of the TCC foursome on the Good Karma video then rested in a chair to 'receive' whatever followed in the wake of my practice.

When I read today's segment in 365 Tao I felt grateful for my commitment to the word of the day: Practice. It reminded me:

Spiritual success is gained by daily cultivation.
If you practiced for the day, then you have won.
If you were lazy for the day, then you have lost....

     Whatever system of spirituality you practice, do it every day. If it is prayer, then pray every day. If it is meditation, then meditate every day. If it is exercise, then exercise every day. Only then will you be able to say that you are truly practicing spirituality.... (p. 94)

At One with the Sun

The appointment to meet with our accountant regarding 2009 income taxes is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Today is do or die day. Consequently, today's t'ai chi chih strategy ... practice before, during, and after tax preparation.

The before practice is done. And, after I finish my blog, the tax prep begins....

I practiced TCC inside the house this morning. These early morning temps in the low 20s are a bit off-putting now that I'm accustomed to afternoon highs in the non-seasonal 50s and 60s. Coincidentally I chose a practice spot directly in the path of the rising sun.

The sun floated high enough in the sky that its rays, no longer shielded by morning haze or low-lying clouds, drenched me with their heat and light. And so I bathed and soaked, glittered and gleamed right along with this magnificent celestial body. At times I felt as if the intensity of light would absorb me into itself. Separate no more, I was anywhere and everywhere ... no one and everyone. My sole goal: To merge with the One greater light.

After practice I picked up 365 Tao to read today's entry, "Sailing." Its description of the ocean sounded similar....

Tao is sometimes compared to the ocean. Its depth is immeasurable, its power rules all who enter it. We seek to sail it with our knowledge ... yet our understanding is incomparable to its vastness.... the old ... know that there is no other alternative than to accept the ocean and float upon it. One who accepts is sustained. Those who go beyond its terms meet death. Thus the wise say that they float here and there without care; they trust in the overwhelming power of Tao.

A Still-Point of Peace...

One-half hour of peace. This evening I sink into my t'ai chi chih practice outside on the deck. Yesterday's rains shrunk the snowpack, shriveled the piles of snow lining drive- and roadways, exposed areas of leaves and dirt in the midst of the forest, and revealed rivulets of running water.

It's a quiet, chill, cloud-covered day and still there's this: one-half hour of peace. I am grateful for this peace and calm and quiet, grateful for time by myself to sink ever deeper into silence. During an earlier phone conversation with my brother we shared today's challenges and difficulties and he wondered aloud what wisdom might be contained in 365 Tao. As is often the case, the words I found were just right. It read, in part:

The mind that turns ever outward
Will have no end to craving.
Only the mind turned inward
Will find a still-point of peace....

True reality lies in withdrawal from the swirling variations of the outside world. It lies in looking within and then slowly peeling away the layers of subjectivity. What will remain is not a core of objectivity, but a kernel of truth that absorbs rather than reflects. If we enter into this kernel, our minds cease to continue their habits of creating stimulating realities, and we enter into a silence that feels perfect and whole. (p. 71)

Yes, I desperately needed today's t'ai chi chih practice. The swirls abated, the mind calmed, the body slowed, and peace prevailed. Shhhh....