Lost in No-Words

Today's T'ai Chi Chih practice in Cornucopia was bittersweet. It was the second to last class meeting after eight (?) years of fall-winter-spring-summer classes. But, of course, the only constant is change. And so, on I go into the next (unknown) phase of teaching and life.

I feel that there is something incredibly special about the people and the community in Cornucopia. Perhaps that is why I have experienced the longest lasting continuous class practice in my T'ai Chi Chih teaching career in this small northern Wisconsin town. And, it's not only that we've practiced TCC together for these many years, but we've also delved into a variety of related texts to explore the science, philosophy, and spirituality that underlies this unique form of moving meditation.

Years ago we began simply with discussions of entries from Deng Ming-Dao's daily meditation book, 365 Tao. Next we took on Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching as translated and interpreted by Stephen Mitchell, Wayne Dyer, and Ursula LeGuin. After several years of working through the Tao's 81 verses, we moved on to Buddha's Brain, and now, Justin Stone's Spiritual Odyssey.

Today we discussed "The Essence of T'ai Chi Chih" from Spiritual Odyssey. Justin writes:

With the accumulation of Chi (Vital Force) through T'ai Chi Chih practice, permanent changes in the metabolism and the thinking process take place and renewed energy conditions the whole way of life. Just as the thought conditions the Vital Force, so does the flow of this Chi, this Intrinsic Energy, condition the way of thinking. As these changes occur we get in touch with ourselves and the world we see begins to change. Joy becomes our natural heritage.

I agree. Though I don't often use the word "joy," I feel that my way of viewing the world is now more directed toward noticing, appreciating, and being thankful for the beautiful, special beings, plants, and animals that share this world with me. I no longer need to amass material possessions to feel happy; I'm filled to overflowing with the beauty of my surroundings.

Justin Stone shares this poem in explanation:

I gather chrysanthemums at the Eastern Hedgerow
And silently gaze at the Southern mountains.
The mountain air is beautiful in the sunset.
Overhead the birds, flocking together, return home. 

In all this is a real meaning, but
When I try to express it, I get lost in no-words.

The Best Reason to Practice

Tuesday, August 14, 2012:

Today's T'ai Chi Chih practice was post-work, in the yard, with Namaste and Lucy present. It felt wonderfully delicious to release the tension and strain from my mind and muscles. Near the end of practice Frances pulled into the yard after finishing her job as a poll-worker for the Town of Russell.

The time had come to be done with my practice as dusk was falling (all too soon).

Wednesday, August 15, 2012:

After my fast-paced errand day I segued into TCC practice before bed. My musical accompaniment was a light rain falling outside the bedroom window. What a relief to end my long, fast-moving day with some minutes of deep relaxation and deep presence. This moment only. This moment now.

Thursday, August 16, 2012:

I began today with a headache (dairy-induced, I believe, since I'm so enamored with cucumber soup of late). It was wonderful to practice with the class since group energy is typically powerful and potent.

Since the morning was cool and breezy I encouraged the group to focus on keeping well-grounded as we moved. After a slightly brisk circle practice, we followed up with a hot cup of tea and discussion about Justin Stone's article, "The Best Reason to Practice" (from Spiritual Odyysey).

Last week the class talked about habit energies and this week's reading went even further as Justin described his understanding of Karma and confirmed that T'ai Chi Chih practice is one of the easiest and fastest ways to "burn the Karmic seeds" and allow habit energies to fade. Group members discussed ways in which they have changed over the course of their TCC experience.

And, as one student commented about her mental rehearsal of TCC while out sailing on Lake Superior, she thought she might be able to calm the waters, but she realized that she could certainly calm herself....

The Physical and the Spiritual in TCC

Tuesday, August 7, 2012:

I spent the day getting ready for visitors (my cousin and her husband whom I've not seen for years) and working at the library. T'ai Chi Chih practice came last, right before bedtime. Still, it was a wondrous treat.

I watched myself in the dark bedroom window as I moved, felt a huge amount of energy in my fingers (believe me, I needed it), and then--after 20 minutes--tumbled into bed. I discovered that even a 20 minute practice is a huge relief after a long, overfull day....

Wednesday, August 8, 2012:

Today, like yesterday, was crammed with work and activities, and I didn't make it to my TCC practice until after my cousin and her husband left about 8:30 p.m. Very soon I found myself falling asleep in my chair and headed for bed. I couldn't actually climb into bed, though, until I did at least a short TCC practice

Tonight's practice was only 15 minutes, but I felt the Chi tingling in my fingertips. And, again, like last night, I felt the busyness and overactivity of the day simply slip out my muscles and away from my mind....

Thursday, August 9, 2012:

Today, finally, I did a full T'ai Chi Chih practice with my students in Cornucopia. And, as one of the participants pointed out, it's a different, wonderful experience to practice TCC with a group as compared to a solo at-home practice (the feelings of energy and unity are remarkable).

After our practice we discussed Justin Stone's article from Spiritual Odyssey, "The Physical and the Spiritual in T'ai Chi Chih." We spoke a lot about habit energies as well as about how hard it is to break old habits that get in the way of our committing ourselves to a daily TCC practice.

I hope that our continuing conversations will inspire students to think more about how to bring this wonderful, healing, good-feeling practice into their daily lives.

Whoops. Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work I go....

I'm Still Learning....

We had a lovely T'ai Chi Chih group practice this morning ... the sky was clear, the temperature mild, the breeze cool. After practice (and our weekly energy circle) I let out a big sigh (oh, to release tension, share energy with a group, and experience the beauty of the natural world as One). What a blessing and gift we share with one another during each class gathering and practice.

Next we delved into Justin Stone's book, Spiritual Odyssey. Our topic of the morning was "Balancing Chi: A Great Secret of Life." Justin writes:

     T'ai Chi Ch'uan and T'ai Chi Chih, performed properly and on a cumulative basis, tends to circulate and balance the Yin and Yang aspects of the Chi (intrinsic energy or vital force, as some call it). This is one of the great secrets of life, not only bringing healing and energizing effects, but speeding the level of evolution to a high degree. In this respect the two disciplines have great spiritual value and all true lasting healing is spiritual in nature.

 Yes, and again, yes. Each day and every situation presents me with an opportunity to let go of my personal striving and connect with the support, guidance and wisdom of the Tao (the Oneness). I'm still learning....

Relaxing into my-Self

"I have often spoken of the 'Reciprocal Character of Mind and Chi' ('Prana' in Sanskrit). The character of the Chi greatly influences our State of Mind, and our State of Mind greatly influences 'our' Chi. How can we break into that circle to change influences for a more desirable effect? We do T'ai Chi Chih, circulating and balancing the Chi. As the Yin-Yang elements are brought into better balance, this not only balances the Chi but it also influences how we think. Ultimately we are what we think; this creates our Karma.

"...In this respect TCC has the same deep purpose as Yoga and Zen, but it is a much easier practice. Few are capable of following either Zen or Yogic life to its deepest levels, particularly in our busy society. But we can practice TCC and have the deepest Spiritual effect on ourselves."

          --Justin Stone
            Fall 1987, The Vital Force

Justin's quote (above), which Sr. Antonia included in her June 2012 Newsletter, bears repeating. If we think of TCC practice as simply moving our bodies and circulating the Vital Force energy, we are missing a huge aspect of what we gain from this practice.

Sister elaborates further in her newsletter:

"It is difficult to find the quality of integrity in modern-day culture when the focus of individuals can be reduced to greed and the drive to 'get ahead,' whether it is behind the wheel or climbing the corporate ladder. This focus can be driven by the false-self, often referred to as 'ego.'

"Integrity on the other hand, is a quality of the true-self, the transparent self, the ego-less part of our way of thinking, acting and being. It is a spiritual quality of the spiritual practice that has been given as a gift to us by Justin. Integrity is what brings us to regular T'ai Chi Chih practice, as well as being one of its spiritual benefits.

"It has been said that: 'Integrity is what you choose to do when no one is looking.'"

A lot of direct quotes, I know. Still, the spiritual benefits we derive from our practices may be subtle but they are also life-changing. I know that I am not the same person I was when I began studying T'ai Chi Ch'uan and then T'ai Chi Chih almost 25 years ago. Something in me has opened, softened, and become more trusting and more loving. These changes cannot be easily measured or articulated. They simply are. It's wonder-full.

Speaking of ... today's T'ai Chi Chih practice was a half-hour mental rehearsal while I lay on the Migun table and an additional 20 minute physical practice afterwards. Both practices helped relax me into myself or, should I say, into my-Self?

Where Will It Lead?

Sr. Antonia's words from her June 2012 Newsletter are still floating through my mind. She reminded us (T'ai Chi Chih teachers) that TCC is done "mainly with the wrists and waist (and primarily below the waist)."

With tan t'ien (two inches below the navel) leading each movement, I'm well aware of how my waist moves, especially in side-to-side movements. During front-to-back weight shifts, on the other hand, the movement of the waist seems more subtle (even though it is not) because its actions feel more like an opening and closing (remember my long-ago reference to a bellows?) rather than bending and twisting.

The wrists are another matter. There are several movements in the form where we specifically circle and/or open and close the wrists (i.e., Bird Flaps Its Wings, Wrist Circle Taffy, Light at the Top of the Head/Temples). Otherwise, we need to closely examine our postures to realize that the wrists should--and do--lead our hand/arm movements as they float forward and back, side-to-side.

Joyous Breath offered me a stumbling block and opportunity. I recall from Justin Stone's TCC DVD that Justin leads with his wrists as he exhales and presses down. Me? I typically keep my wrists locked to maintain the tension/force that's the key to this movement. Today, though, I had an aha moment. During this morning's practice I allowed my wrists to flex softly as I maintained my mental perception of force.

What did I discover? It felt good! Yes, I'll continue to practice ways in which to soften Joyous Breath even as I perpetuate a feeling of tension. Who knows where this exploration will lead?

In Honor of ... Justin Stone

I took today as a day of rest which I desperately needed. It's been a s-l-o-w motion day.

At 5:00 p.m. I joined with other T'ai Chi Chih teachers around the world for a group practice honoring Justin Stone, the found/creator/originator of this form. (Thanks, Anna, for giving me a heads up about this practice.)

Although I wasn't overly aware of heightened energy due to the collaborative nature of this practice I did focus on expressing gratitude to Justin for this transformative moving meditation that has brought innumerable changes to my life.

Keeping in mind that I was practicing with a larger group of teachers whom I didn't know, I performed movements while facing north, then turned to the east for several movements, then south, then west, and finally, back to the north. As my visual focus and attention circled the room I included and honored the participation of everyone who was a part of this practice regardless of where they lived.

Thank you, Justin, for your time on this earth and for this wonderful gift of peace and tranquility that, bit by bit, person by person, helps to heal the world.

T'ai Chi Chih Travelogue

Yes, dear readers, I'm back. What follows is my written travelogue from the Upper Midwest to the East Coast (Charles Town, WV) and back again. Frances and I flew halfway across the country to spend Thanksgiving with my brother, my sister, and her boyfriend. These entries come from my written journal and flow chronologically from our date of departure.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 -- Thanksgiving Eve

Frances and I experienced an easy, event-free drive to the Twin Cities, starting at 2:40 am until our early arrival at the MSP airport around 8:00 am. Security required no full body scans though I did witness one extra-diligent pat down of a female passenger.

After we located our departure gate I took over luggage surveillance while Frances searched for breakfast. When she returned, I headed for a flight observation deck to practice T'ai Chi Chih.

What a find! I climbed two flights of stairs and arrived in a quiet space with windows on four sides. Classical music played in the background with occasional interruptions for final gate departure announcements.

Since three people already occupied the room I chose a location at the far end and began my practice. The observation area was the perfect relaxation spot. I watched planes taxi away from and toward from their gates, saw an occasional plane land, and truly felt that I was--indeed--above it all.

I felt a tremendous amount of energy as I moved and quickly settled into my form paying no mind to my co-observers. As people left and arrived conversations were quietly respectful. Of course! This is what you'd expect to find on a viewing platform ... a woman calmly and quietly shifting weight and energy; balancing and carrying balls; circling back and forth, round and round.

In several hours our plane will land at Washington D.C.'s Dulles Airport and we'll enter a warmer climate and a foreign domain. Then family reunions and thanks-giving festivities begin!

Thursday, November 25, 2010 -- Thanksgiving Day

I'm thankful for the many blessings of my life (first and foremost, life itself)! I'm grateful to my sister and her boyfriend for bringing us here to share Thanksgiving with them. They're also offering us the opportunity to learn a bit about their lives in Charles Town, WV (named after George Washington's brother, Charles).

I'm thankful for the adventure of travel and for new discoveries ... for food and family (not necessarily in that order), and for a TCC practice that travels with me wherever I go, whatever I do.

My 6:30 am TCC practice helped to settle my excitable energy and ease me out of my traveler's fog. Mind you, I'm still tired but I do feel more relaxed.

The weather upon arrival yesterday was 50 degrees and sunny. Rain is predicted. Still, we flew out of an area with winter storm warnings and into early fall (grass is green and some leaves still hang from the trees).

Soon the food prep begins. In fact, it may be beginning now given the activity I hear in the kitchen above.

Hearty thanks and gratitude for my TCC students, the TCC community, Justin Stone, TCC's originator, and a TCC practice that provides me with the subject matter for this blog. I feel grateful, as well, for this daily writing practice that constantly reminds me how important it is to take time for self-reflection, creativity, and gratitude.

Today, on the first anniversary of this daily TCC practice and blog, I feel tremendous appreciation for this journey I'm traveling regardless of the final destination.

Friday, November 26, 2010

My TCC practice offers me plenty of opportunities to set and practice my boundaries. In order to perform my practice and write my blog I must take time and space away from everyone else and devote at least an hour to myself and my meditation and writing. When I was younger, that would have felt difficult.

Now, though, with the guidance, wisdom, and need for TCC practice, I find that I value my time alone. I feel better after I've practiced TCC, written, and spent time by myself. The time I take for peace and rejuvenation is undeniably essential. It took me many, many years to learn this remarkably simple fact.

And, yes absolutely, when I feel peaceful within, it is much easier to maintain that peace-filled presence with those around me.

Our family entourage took a history walk around Charles Town today and found remnants of the Civil War. A sword or bayonet cemented into a stone property fence. A cemetery where Confederate soldiers were laid to rest, and beautiful old mansions scattered throughout town.

More food, conversation, and my late afternoon TCC practice to boost me through the evening tree-lighting festivities.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

My Thanksgiving family dynamics have caught up with me. This morning I feel sad and bad about myself. I'm weepy. I enter into my TCC practice as tears continue to flow down my cheeks.

When I Push-Pull, I focus on releasing sadness and pulling in healing energy. And still the tears flow. How appropriate that my sister scheduled a Reiki healing session for me today! I arrive with deep-seated feelings of sadness and emotional vulnerability and the practitioner reassures me that my spirit guides have prepared me well for our healing session.

After my session is complete I realize that, although the TCC practice offes me a tremendous amount of healing energy, it's also helpful to rely on the skills and abilities of others. I don't have to travel this journey all by myself. It's okay to accept help.

And so it goes. One more layer of healing sought and found. More to go....

Sunday, November 28, 2010, 5:15 pm

Today is our final full day and night in West Virginia. Frank, Mel, Frances and I took a sun-filled morning walk along the Potomac River to its confluence with the Shenandoah. We strode into Harpers Ferry and passed the infamous site where John Brown, fighting slavery, took refuge in an armory and was ultimately captured on October 18, 1859.

To pass through the streets of Civil War history is an amazing experience. After an early morning of intense emotion, I practiced TCC in the early afternoon.

I felt as if Reiki energy still surged through me from yesterday morning's healing session. My practice feel potent, my body less tense and more open as a result of the Reiki, and the Chi flowed with freedom and ease.

Monday, November 29, 2010, 7:25 pm

In flight somewhere west of Washington, D.C. Complete and total darkness. Except ... a flashing white light on the wing tip and residential lights on the ground below.

Frances and I rode to work with my sister this morning and took a mini-tour of Shenandoah University while she worked. After lunch we walked through downtown Winchester and then took off for the airport.

Fortunately we arrived early because security lines were long. I set off the alarm and was told that I needed to be patted down. I wish I could say it was a fabulous experience but it was not.

It seemed likely that a knee brace I wore was the reason I set off the alarm but, true to Standard Operating Procedure (SOP), that likelihood didn't matter. I became more distressed as the pat down progressed; first my body shook, then I began to weep. Eventually I sobbed out loud. FSA employees seemed surprised that I reacted in such a manner. I volunteered to take down my pants while under observation, remove my brace, and step through the security scanner once again.

That practical solution was against SOP but at last I was permitted to proceed and I passed through security easily. My TCC rehearsal was a mental practice in my plane seat as we backed away from the gate. I completed Carry the Ball to the Side as we lifted into the air. It was a welcome remedy after the disturbing and invasive pat down. And perhaps the timing for my TCC practice was ideal....

Tuesday, November 30, 2010, 8:40 pm

We rose at 5:30 am, spent an hour visiting with our friend, then hit the road to Bayfield. It was a long trip or, rather, longer than usual but not as long as it felt.

I drove the first stretch at 35-45 mph in ice, snow, and utter whiteness. We passed five cars in the ditch. After a stop for breakfast and a quick call to work, Frances took over behind the wheel and I napped. I made it to my library job 10 minutes late. By the time I walked in the door at home it was a six hour day on the road and six hours at work. After a TCC practice and short seated meditation, I gladly ended my day without sitting at the computer.

A few quick minutes of pen to paper and sleep came quickly and easily ... 9:00 pm touchdown in Minneapolis on Monday night, 9:00 pm beddown in Bayfield on Tuesday night. Safe and sound.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010, 7:20 pm

Interesting. Now that I've handwritten my blogs in my journal for a week I'm not clipping my fingernails in anticipation of getting back online. I admit it. I'm enjoying my computer-free lifestyle. Perhaps tomorrow?

I'm gradually reorienting myself to northwoods living. Green grass and 50 degree temps in Virginia and West Virginia to white ground and 15 degrees is quite a change of atmosphere. My body is rebelling against the dramatic change in climate at the same time that my heart and soul feel happily home again.

A headache and low energy were today's feedback loop regarding the stress of my travels. Today I stayed home and enjoyed the quiet along with a lengthy visit with neighbors.

My early evening TCC practice quivered with energy which felt absolutely great. I practiced upstairs while Frances played with the cat and dog downstairs. Despite overhearing her constant teasing and chatter, I settled deep into the rhythm and motion and let my muscles release into the repetition, pattern, and space of my practice. And, yes, I feel better.

"Bear"ing my Weight

Bear footprints galore--and, yes, I mean bear not bare--as we walked along a dirt road today on our early morning hike. Though Frances and I continue to discover prints of all sizes along this route we have yet to see a bear visitor in our own yard.

Our lack of visitors is in stark contrast to the stories we've heard from others in the area. The DNR trapped six or seven bears on one family's property. As soon as the bears were removed from the premises they saw new bears.

About 1:00 a.m. on July 3 a City of Bayfield resident's dog was attacked by a bear which next tried to get into her house. She hit the bear over the head with her cell phone as she dialed 911. This woman bakes bread for local restaurants and the farmers' market which leads me to wonder: Did this intrepid bear merely recognize a delicious jackpot when he smelled it?

Two days ago Frances and I met a porcupine in the middle of another dirt road. We pulled our car off to the side in order to pass and strongly encouraged it to vacate its center of the road location before another driver barreled along and chose not to stop. As the porcupine lumbered to the roadside I marveled at its quill-covered body and recalled several gorgeous quill boxes I've examined at Native Spirit Gifts in Red Cliff. Frances, of course, speculated about how a porcupine removes a woodtick from its own body while I wondered whether a tick would even dare to navigate its rough and spiny terrain.

Back home in my own yard it looks as though the fledgling robins took flight sometime between last night and this morning. The nest is quiet and the branch upon which it rests no longer bustles with the frequent visitations of mom and dad Robin. Frankly, I miss the overhead activity.

During today's TCC practice I focused on keeping my lower body soft and relaxed while I moved. I continue to hold tension in my legs and I was glad to receive Justin Stone's reminder to stay soft when I recently watched his Seijaku DVD. Yes, indeed, it felt good to relax my body from the waist down since I typically focus my relaxtion attention and intention on my upper body.

This day is absolutely, positively, fabulously beautiful!

A Welcome Tonic

A foggy haze encircled me as I walked outside to release the geese from their barn this morning. Earlier I watched white-tailed deer, one, then three more, graze quietly through the forest. The smallest--and probably youngest--deer ventured near the bird feeder to nibble delicately on a tender branch while the others gazed from afar quiet as garden statues.

I slipped Justin's Seijaku DVD into the player this morning and followed along. I was certified in Seijaku (Advanced T'ai Chi Chih) in 1999. The training occurred several months before my father's death and, preoccupied with Dad's declining health, I neglected to practice Seijaku regularly. Today, though, I felt like I was reconnecting with an old friend. It felt comfortable, familiar.

Pam Towne, one of TCC's teacher trainers, encouraged me during a phone conversation late last year to return to Seijaku. She suggested that I simply incorporate it into my daily TCC practice, perhaps alternating it within the regular nine repetitions. I intuitively knew the time would come when I could/would revisit Seijaku and ... today is that day.

It feels right, good and appropriate that I'm returning to Seijaku now. My body is in desperate need of it and I sense that its Serenity in the Midst of Activity will provide a welcome tonic in my life.

Joy is always there....

Today I practiced for Justin Stone. The most recent (February 2010) Vital Force journal included an Editor's Note that alerted readers to the news of Justin's December fall and subsequent hospitalization. It noted that many people wondered what they could do for Justin during his rehab and recovery. One simple recommendation followed: Practice T'ai Chi Chih. Practice when you want to and practice when you don't.

Today was a practice when you don't want to day. Last night's sleep was disrupted by a low blood sugar. When I rose to treat it, I was well aware of the close-to-full brightness of the moon just outside my windows and door. The rest of the night was spent in restless wakefulness ... awake-asleep-awake-asleep.

Today I felt tired and unsettled and my heart wasn't in the movements but I did them anyway. And, as is typical, by the time I reached Light at the Top of the Head/Light at the Temples I felt a wee bit quieter and calmer than when I began. A brief resting in silence after practice helped me remain in a place of peace for a few minutes longer.

Today's practice after an upsy-downsy night helped restore my gratitude for this always-available, ever-present, sometimes-difficult to perform moving meditation we call joy thru movement. As Justin reminds us: "Joy" is always there; it only has to be uncovered. (The Vital Force, February 2010, p. 1)

Yes!

A black-capped chickadee flutters outside the patio door and looks in on me as I flow through my morning practice. Chiripa, our little three-month old kitten, spies the bird and begins to stalk. Then she notices the grey squirrels at the feeder and her tail joins in the pursuit, jerking from side to side. With a window between them it doesn't seem to matter to her that the squirrels are at least two to three times her size....

After teaching TCC for over two hours last night, this morning's practice feels wonderfully soft and relaxed. I'm reminded of Justin Stone's admonition to practice as if you've lost your last friend, your job, and anything else you care about (my paraphrasing). Once you've lost everything, nothing seems to matter. This is when a TCC practice can truly flow without effort.

It's infinitely easier to focus solely on my personal practice after observing the movements of two classes of students yesterday. Teaching requires you to direct attention to a classroom of students in order to notice how they move; then you must employ multiple strategies to modify habits and/or redirect attention to various aspects of movements in order to allow room for change to occur. It's a challenging job.

Each person has a different learning style and we all become ingrained in our own habit patterns. When students--and teachers--are open to new ideas and new ways of moving though, change, improvement and increased relaxation and softness are possible.

I notice already that the refinements I learned at the St. Paul TCC retreat several weeks ago are integrating more completely into my body and mind. And with that integration comes more comfort, flow, and relaxation. Yes!

Circling

I received a Golden Globe Award this morning as the round glowing orb of sun rose into the sky. We have another--our third--day of clear blue skies. It feels like a wonderful gift after so many days--months really--of clouds and greyness unabated. By practice end snowflakes twinkle at me from the top of snow piles on the deck and I stand, immersed, in a warm bath of light.

During today's practice I experience the "trickle in" effects of the recently received t'ai chi chih refinements that day-by-day grow more familiar, more comfortable, more effortless. It feels good to be in my body noticing the differences these slight--yet significant--changes make to my movements.

I feel an expanding awareness, too, which reminds me of one of Justin Stone's sayings: ... awareness is the root of T'ai Chi Chih ... circularity is the fundamental ... 'softness and continuity' are the essence.

My slow, soft movements eventually send the wild, energy-filled kitten back to bed. And I continue to move feeling grateful for another level of learning that asks me to move with care and attention, emptiness and fullness, circling--always circling--forward and back, side to side, around and around....

Trying ... Not Trying

Wow. What a rollercoaster ride. I didn't want to do my practice--and especially my blog--today. It felt like too much effort. I was exhausted. Finally, about 5:30 pm I began to move.

Practice was difficult. My knees were sore, my legs shaky. Still, I persevered. As I moved I witnessed the fading of daylight, the coming of darkness, and a small wedge of light that filtered through the living room window onto the deck railing.

There were moments of grace. They reminded me of a comment I made to one of my t'ai chi chih classes many years ago. After we'd finished our practice I told my students, Oh ... there was so much grace and flow in this room.

One of my students raised his hand and replied: I'm sorry, but Grace and Flo did not sign up for this class.

When I finally sat down at the computer to complete my blog, it spilled out through my fingers onto the keyboard. After I pressed the "publish post" key, though, I received an error message. My words were lost!

Interesting. Part of today's blog was about my perfectionism--both in my writing and in my movements--so now ... this was my opportunity to write quickly, to release perfectionism's hold upon me, and to deliver less thoughtful prose than what I'm used to serving up to my readers.

Justin Stone's wise words from Spiritual Odyssey came to mind (p. 15):

     Trying is not the Way
     Not trying is not the Way
You say it must be one or the other,
     But I say
     Neither Nor

Nurture the Root

Cultivate the root.
The leaves and branches will
take care of themselves.
          -- Confucius

This quote is an ideal teaching--and reminder--for t'ai chi chih practice. For me, the leaves and branches represent the hands and arms. While the hands may move in circles, push forward and back, carry balls to the side, and pull taffies we must always be aware that our upper body motion is stimulated by t'an t'ien and the shifting of the weight. Even though the moving arms and hands may be what most people notice--and what many t'ai chi chih practitioners focus upon--the true power and inspiration for the movements comes from below the waist.

As I further refine my practice--and as I learned from Sr. Antonia this past weekend--I feel the root in the soles of my feet but also in the palms of my hands as they sink down toward the earth and in my tailbone. Just like the roots of a tree or plant my rootlets provide stability and convey nourishment, i.e., life force energy that flows from the Earth into my body.

This morning's continuing t'ai chi chih class in Cornucopia, WI was a wonderful new beginning. It felt good--as always--to experience the Chi with others. There were numerous comments offered after our circle practice about the ways in which our attention moved away from practice to ? (Each person had a different focus point or lack of focus.) We agreed that our coming together again after a two-month break was timely and welcome.

Post-practice I shared some of my experiences at the TCC Retreat in St. Paul. It was obvious to all, myself included, that I'm eager to share what I learned and to continue to integrate new learnings into my own practice. One of those learnings--an important one--is to remember to connect with your root....

                                             Why/Why Not?
     One time some students from out-of-town came to visit me. After doing some T'ai Chi Chih together, the conversation became more general. As is usual, someone asked about reincarnation (a bad term).
     I pointed at the trees in the courtyard. 'It is autumn now, so the leaves are falling from the trees,' I explained, 'but they will be back in the spring. Is that what you mean by reincarnation?'
     'Oh, those will be different leaves!' they rushed to point out.
     'Why identify with the leaves?' I asked. 'Why not identify with the tree?'
From: Spiritual Odyssey: Selected Writings of Justin F. Stone, 1985-1997, p. 37

Loving Kindness, Grounding, Letting Go ...

The benefits of last weekend's t'ai chi chih retreat and practice linger....

Early this morning I attended a hearing in Bayfield County Circuit Court regarding a proposed 380 acre development in my town that positions an airplane/jet landing strip over an area identified as a navigable stream. A local group, Citizens for Responsible Land Use (CFRLU), protested the County Board's procedure in rezoning the site for said development.

I chose to attend these proceedings as a witness to the process since I'm well-aware that this matter concerns me deeply. I did not want to launch into anger or to be drawn into a battle of wills so I sat quietly sending thoughts and energies of peace and love to all participants. After the attorneys for both parties presented their arguments the judge stated that waterways are a public trust and he assured us that "taxpayers and citizens have rights." He then referred the matter back to the County Board in order for them to follow the required steps to determine whether this rezone is appropriate.

Afterwards I felt overcome by gratefulness. I was reminded of the pattern Sr. Antonia established during the retreat; we performed our t'ai chi chih movements and then sat quietly afterwards to receive. I soon returned to the car and sat in silence to receive the hope and gratefulness that followed this decision by the Court.

Back home I began my t'ai chi chih practice and quickly felt revitalized following a morning of legal wrangling. Today's practice was the first day of many in the hours and weeks ahead where I will take the learnings and experiences from our TCC retreat and practice more fully into my body, mind, and spirit. For me, that is one of the wonders of t'ai chi chih joy thru movement. We can always go deeper into our practice and journey more deeply into ourselves.

Sr. Antonia reminded us of the ultimate benefits of t'ai chi chih practice by quoting Justin Stone's words in Spiritual Odyssey (p. 31):

If we examine it closely, we find that awareness is the root of T'ai Chi Chih, which is essentially inner-oriented. Circularity is the fundamental. And we already know that 'softness and continuity' are the Essence. When we practise T'ai Chi Chih faithfully, we will find that Love Energy is the fruit.

Thank you to Justin Stone, Sr. Antonia, and participants at Sewing the Seeds of T'ai Chi Chih for reminding, encouraging, and supporting me in creating the change I wish to see in myself and in the world.

Living & Moving in Harmony

A world of white greeted me today. Snow everywhere ... on tree branches, the ground, packed against the top, front, back, and sides of my car, plastered against house windows. It took effort to get to class in the snowy, subzero and single digit temps, but, as usual, it was wonderful to share the chi with today's small group of students.

A nice reading of the Tao, Verse 49, in our continuing TCC class. Wayne Dyer calls this verse "Living without Judgment" and his translation of Lao Tzu reads:

The sage has no fixed mind;
he is aware of the needs of others....

The sage lives in harmony with all below heaven.
He sees everything as his own self;
he loves everyone as his own child....

In harmony with that reading, Wayne Dyer asks each of us to begin to see ourselves as a person who notices rather than judges, a person who lives beyond judgment. Simply by changing our attitude toward ourselves and others we create the potential for a world of greater peace and tranquility.

Of course t'ai chi chih practice is the perfect forum for practicing acceptance and nonjudgmentalism. Our TCC practice requires us to soften and relax: first, our bodies, then our emotions, minds, and spirits. That is one of the reasons why t'ai chi chih practice feels so good ... we let go of muscular tension, mental-emotional stress, and automatic judgments in order to flow with softness and continuity. We become like children. We lose all pretense and expectation. We choose to simply be, moving softly and slowly in this moment ... now.

Justin Stone, the creator of T'ai Chi Chih Joy thru Movement, says it this way (from: "Spiritual Stories-Volume I"):

In truth, it is difficult to find a displeasing aspect in nature, if one looks with a quiet mind, not concerned with its own problems.

When the mind is transparent and pure, as if reflected on the mirror-like surface of the water, there is nothing in the world that you would dislike. When it is serene as the light breeze in the sunshine, there will be no one whom you would like to forget.