Monday, July 2, 2012:
Yesterday I worked in the garden with Frances and found yet another opportunity to let go of my ego. As I had several weeks ago, I placed newspapers around the plants to keep weeds down. And, again, the newspapers I used were old editions of the Minnesota Women's Press that contained my freelance articles.
It felt difficult to lay Norma, Jean, Nancy, Kaia, Antiga, and many other Twin Cities' women (along with their stories) upon the roots of our tomato plants. I remembered when these women told me their tales of courage, struggle, adventure, and accomplishment and was grateful for the time we spent together as they shared a piece of their lives with me (which I then shared with the newspaper's Twin Cities' audience).
In addition to the profiles I published, there were features on a variety of spiritual topics: movement as a form of prayer (which included T'ai Chi Chih); feng shui; spiritual direction training programs in the Twin Cities; the spiritual, healing connection between people and animals; and a tale of two women who led spiritual quests to the British Isles. These stories, too, I needed to release into the soil (paper to compost to fruits and vegetables).
Frances and I talked about my process as we worked, and she recognized that it felt a little bit like death to me. It was time for me to let go of the women and words in order to move on to the next phase of my life (still, it felt strangely painful).
Tonight's 9:00 p.m. T'ai Chi Chih practice was accompanied by the music of thunder and the visual effects of lightning. I'm tired and, though merely going through the motions on one level, I feel the healing flow of energy on another.
When I finish my practice I'm off to bed ... I still need more rest.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012:
I feel calmer today. A rowdy, raucous storm passed through the area last night and now the woods--and my bodymind--are quiet in the aftermath.
I did a morning cleansing qigong, T'ai Chi Chih, and seated meditation practice to settle the worried, fretful thoughts that have plagued me morning and night this past month. Worry truly does nothing to change the situation so why not simply move forward with strength and faith that this path I'm on (wherever it leads) will take me where I need to go next? This, I think, is one of my lessons....
It will be Hot (capital H) this afternoon and I'm grateful that I'll be at work in the air-conditioned library. For the moment, I'm enjoying the still, coolish, quiet peace of the woods.