Trying ... Not Trying

Wow. What a rollercoaster ride. I didn't want to do my practice--and especially my blog--today. It felt like too much effort. I was exhausted. Finally, about 5:30 pm I began to move.

Practice was difficult. My knees were sore, my legs shaky. Still, I persevered. As I moved I witnessed the fading of daylight, the coming of darkness, and a small wedge of light that filtered through the living room window onto the deck railing.

There were moments of grace. They reminded me of a comment I made to one of my t'ai chi chih classes many years ago. After we'd finished our practice I told my students, Oh ... there was so much grace and flow in this room.

One of my students raised his hand and replied: I'm sorry, but Grace and Flo did not sign up for this class.

When I finally sat down at the computer to complete my blog, it spilled out through my fingers onto the keyboard. After I pressed the "publish post" key, though, I received an error message. My words were lost!

Interesting. Part of today's blog was about my perfectionism--both in my writing and in my movements--so now ... this was my opportunity to write quickly, to release perfectionism's hold upon me, and to deliver less thoughtful prose than what I'm used to serving up to my readers.

Justin Stone's wise words from Spiritual Odyssey came to mind (p. 15):

     Trying is not the Way
     Not trying is not the Way
You say it must be one or the other,
     But I say
     Neither Nor