Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Human Being vs. Human Doing

Greyness all around me. Icicles drip--frozen in motion--from the eaves. Wild kitten energy races around the room from chair to chair, plant to plant.

Early on in today's practice I realized that something felt different. Suddenly it hit me: I was pushing my weight forward rather than allowing it to flow softly. I was moving through the TCC movements rather than allowing TCC practice to move me.

I quickly reminded myself to soften my forward knee and gently let my weight glide to its fullest forward point. Then I softened my back knee and simply allowed my weight to glide--easily--backward. It felt much different .... effortless.

It's humbling to realize that, even after many years of practice, there are days when I slide back into old habits. Unexpectedly I'm a human doing instead of a human being. Of course this effortfulness began in my mind first. Caught up in worries about my health I anticipated a doctor's appointment scheduled for later in the afternoon.

If I just push myself through my practice, somehow things will be better. I guess that's what I was thinking. My actual thoughts--and body movements--happened at a subconscious level; I was unmindful of the physical effect created by my thoughts.

I appreciate this gift I receive from t'ai chi chih practice ... it makes me better aware of my thoughts, feelings, and actions. It raises my consciousness ... and brings me back--gently--to the Now.

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