T'ai Chi Chih Conundrum

As soon as I stepped into Resting Position this morning and drew a few breaths, I felt my body relax and settle into itself. A few deep breaths later I noted the softness that gathered around and within me. Ahhh ...

That gentle, clear softness was with me throughout today's T'ai Chi Chih practice. It felt amazing. And, I was reminded once again how important it is to have a calm, relaxed mind in order to have a calm, relaxed practice. Still, it's a conundrum why my practice can feel incredibly soft and flowing one day then feel tight, stiff, and effort-full instead of effortless the very next. Obviously I'm not always aware of the stress and tension that build up in my psyche. Consequently it's difficult to acknowledge the tremendous role mental attitude plays in the body's ability to flow softly.

I don't know why it should be so hard to believe, really. I often watch my students' movements and can tell immediately who feels stressed out, rushed, or ill at ease. So, too, it's easy to differentiate between those who practice outside of classtime and those who don't.

As practice time increases a certain level of comfort and relaxedness increases as well. I'd venture a guess that many people who watch me move would be totally unaware when I held tension in my mind and body. It would take another T'ai Chi Chih teacher or teacher trainer with the skill and ability to know the true facts of my condition. (Then again, as we move we allow the tension and tightness to spiral out of us.)

Last week I talked at length with a student who asked whether she was shifting her weight correctly. She wanted confirmation that as her weight flowed forward her back leg straightened. Yes. Then she asked whether it was true that as she bent her knee for her weight to travel forward her body went down as it moved ahead. No. I assured her that we sink first before we step out with one foot. Then the body can travel forward and back at the same level unaffected by the shifting of the weight.

It was then that we talked about softness. She mentioned that she didn't really understand what it meant to soften her knees, a description we use often in TCC classes. Yes, there's a power and meaning to language that can vastly affect the outcome of our movements based on how we understand what we're being told, especially if we're students who learn better through hearing rather than visual cues.

In my experience, being told to bend your knee or soften your knee makes all the difference in the world (of course, I'm a writer and words carry tremendous significance). Bend indicates action and the potential for using force. Soften means to allow something to happen in its own time (in a more passive, accepting way). The outcome is the same. Your weight moves forward. But the manner in which it happens and the way it feels in your body can be totally different. Forcing versus allowing. Bending versus softening. Shifting versus flowing.

Yep. There's a conundrum all right.